Mum,Dad, Do Your know About Your Child’s Super Skill?
Just this morning when I woke up and watched my children getting ready for school I just smiled at Gods awesomeness, I almost heard my self ask “who are these people,how did they get here? i mean it was just yesterday i was all by myself, then again it felt like only yesterday they suckled at my breast, now they are grown and can get dressed without help?Wow!
Watching your child grow and develop is one of the most exciting parts of being a parent, especially in the early months when it seems every day brings a new skill.
Knowing what to expect from your child will help you in many ways. If you’re worried they are not reaching some milestones, you can mention it to your doctor. As well, if you know what skills to expect at a specific age, you can be sure to take steps (for example, keeping dangerous objects well out of reach before your baby starts crawling).and help prevent mishaps
Children’s develop skills several different areas:
- Gross motor: These are movements using the body’s large muscles and include sitting, standing, walking, running, keeping balance, and changing positions.
- Fine motor skills use the small muscles in the hands and fingers. Fine motorskills include —using hands to eat, draw, dress, play, and write—develop over time. They also also involve hand-eye coordination.
- Language: Speaking, using body language and gestures, and understanding what others say.
- Cognitive: These are thinking skills—learning, understanding, problem-solving, reasoning, and remembering.
- Social: Connecting and having relationships with others, cooperating, and responding to the feelings of others.
Remember, all children are different and develop skills at different times. It is normal for a child to be behind in some areas and ahead in others.
Now, there’s one more skill I have come to identify with, most of the skills mentioned above are visible from birth to about age 4, but as they grow older ,children develop what I call the” Manupilating skill” yes laugh out loud, but it is true.here is how it works, your children overtime have located where your “mumu button” is and they sure know how and when to press it.
Children manipulate their parents. It’s part of their normal routine. They learn to use their charms and strengths to get their way and negotiate more power in the family.Some forms of manipulation are harmless. For example, if your daughter wants a new doll and she’s extra charming to you that week, but she’s getting good grades, she’s trustworthy and she’s doing her chores, there’s no reason for her not to if you have the means. The display of charm is sweet, harmless and appropriate.
On the other hand, that charm can be used inappropriately, such as when a child plays one parent against another to get what he or she wants. you see, this is the real problem, when Children use behavioral threats to manipulate you
One of my children blackmails me emotionally – cries and says that I ‘don’t care about her and love her brother more’ …. It’s true that I demand more of her naturally because she is older but it is also true that she’s a more emotionally draining child (if you know what i mean,wink), so her words make me feel so bad that I often feel guilty and back down. Does this sound familiar? Yes? okay here is how to deal with it according to Debby Pincus an expert on these matters,It’s okay you can thank me later..so here goes….
1. Recognize Manipulative Behaviors
Recognize manipulative behaviors so you don’t get sucked in by them. Instinctively, as part of kids’ survival, they come with tools to get what they want and avoid what they don’t want. For example, your child might try to emotionally blackmail you by acting sad until he gets what he wants. This will be a trigger for you if you believe your job is to keep your child happy. Start by asking yourself if your job is to make your child happy or to help him prepare to cope with life. If it’s the latter, then you can answer with, “I’m sorry you’re sad, but you’re still cant watch the game till your homework is done”
2. Know Your Triggers
Triggers are behaviors that upset you and get you to react. They can be a tone of voice, a certain look, an attitude or certain actions. Manipulative behaviors therefore might set you off. If you prepare for them by knowing your buttons, they will be less likely to get pushed. If you have a strong need for approval from your child, for example, then hearing him shout “I hate you” might trigger you. You might want peace between the two of you. Instinctively, you might let him off the hook so he won’t be unhappy with you. Recognizing your triggers will help you plan and prepare for how not to let your child push your buttons. Tip: Sit down and make a list of your top three triggers so you are aware of what they are.
3. Define Your Parenting Principles and make it clear
Manipulative behaviors are designed to throw you off balance and create self doubt. Knowing your own bottom line as a parent will help you when your kids come at you with their ingenious ways to make you unsure of yourself and lose your center. Hold on to yourself by holding on to your parenting principles.
4. Be Emphathetic
Don’t get mad at your child for trying to go after what she wants in life. Would you really prefer her not to? Be empathetic to her desires and wishes while helping her learn how to get what she wants more directly, honestly and effectively.
For example,When your child asks for what he needs, listen. Give his requests the consideration they deserve. That does not mean always saying yes, but it does mean giving them some honest thought. If your child knows he can come to you directly, he will be less likely to try to get what he wants indirectly or by being manipulative
5. Never give up onYour Child
Have faith in your child’s good intentions. Believe in him. Understand that kids are works in progress. They might need to learn better ways to manage themselves in life, but they are not bad or malicious. Their intentions are not to “get us” or make our life miserable. However, if we believe that’s their intention, then we will see them that way. Believing in our children will help them see themselves with all the goodness that is in them and with all their best intentions.
Finally as parents, we must be in charge of our own emotions.Learn how to soothe yourself when you’re anxious or distressed. Be in charge of your own emotional health. Don’t give in to your kids’ manipulations so that you can feel calmer. . Managing your own calm will free your kids up to learn how to manage their own lives and get their needs met more successfully.
Our children are doing their job: they are asking us through their behaviors to please be their leaders – to define ourselves clearly – to have boundaries so they know where the fence is. Even though they’ll rarely say it out loud, They want us to help them learn how to tolerate limits in life and the frustration that comes with sometimes not getting what they want,
What are you going to do?
Always yours in motherhood